๐๐๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ช๐ก๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ฎ ๐๐จ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฎ ๐๐จ ๐ก๐ค๐ฃ๐โฆโฃ
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I love the holiday seasonโฆor at least I did.โฃ
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This year, Iโm finding I have some mixed feelings.โฃ
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I've been diving deeply into my own personal work and the more layers I uncover, the more I realize how much shame has been hanging out underneath everything that I was seemingly enjoying.โฃ
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Iโve spent years floating in the fantasy of the Christmases portrayed in the movies and then feel like I was being dropped into cold mud with the closing credits.โฃ
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YUCK.โฃ
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At some point, the serotonin high just isnโt worth itโฆparticularly as Iโve begun finding so much pleasure in my life itโs no longer necessary for me to seek outside of me for a joy hit.โฃ
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My perception has reframed enough to realize that these types of movies that I loved for their serotonin-producing capabilities were actually triggering a f*ck ton of shame around my inability to be traditionalโฆin any sense of the word, but particularly around my s3xual orientation.โฃ
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Iโm never going to do the whole fall in love with the handsome man thing. โฃ
Or the white wedding thing.โฃ
Or the have children thing.โฃ
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Itโs not right for me.โฃ
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While Iโm tentatively optimistic about the rise of queer representation in Christmas films, I'd argue weโre moving in the right directionโฆโฃ
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โฆbut weโre not quite ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ yet.โฃ
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My point is- these realizations are changing how Iโm celebrating this year, particularly in what media Iโm choosing to consume this holiday season.โฃ
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Still going to rock my super soft candy cane jammies thoughโฆ
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