We have wildfires every year. We have never had to evacuate before. Getting that alert really made shit real. I haven’t really talked about it except with a couple close friends and of course my lovely partner. I appreciate everyone’s love and check-ins with me. Sure, it was scary. But it actually wasn’t the traumatic experience I was expecting. Right before we found out that our home hadn’t actually burned and that we would be able to return, we had actually come to terms with and felt okay about losing almost everything we owned. There was a time when we were in desperate situations where Beth would enter fight/flight. She was the action taker, the planner, the person who always took care of us when we needed it. I would freeze. That was not the case this time, thanks to the fact both of us have gone through The Spiral and are practitioners. I got up around 2 a.m. after only a couple hours of sleep, as Beth was coming to bed; she asked me to keep an eye on the fire updates. As it inched closer and closer to us, I began to take action.
I started to make a list of things to pack, which we laughed about later: -Underwear -Laptop -Prince painting (a one-of-a-kind painting Beth’s talented artist friend painted especially for her) I literally thought of necessities, and since Beth was asleep, began thinking of some of the things I knew she would want to save. I remember feeling pretty calm throughout the whole thing, even as I began packing clothes, and non-perishables, not fully understanding what the next step would be if we needed to evacuate. I think a part of me believed we wouldn’t need to leave, as this had happened so many times before. I acknowledged my fear. I cried when I needed to cry. I asked for cuddles when I wanted to be held. I jumped up and down to get the jitters out, refusing to let anything anchor into my body that could potentially cause future PTSD. What HAS anchored in for me instead is gratitude beyond anything I have ever felt before. For my home still standing. For the love in my life. Even for the things that I know to be out of alignment! Because I’ve come back from this with a renewed sense of empowerment. More lessons from the fire to come.
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