How I Unlocked My Pleasure in 5 Simple (but Potent) Steps

Most of us are never taught how to access true pleasure.We’re conditioned to prioritize productivity over presence, external validation over internal truth, and other people’s needs over our own.

I lived that way for a long time. Eventually, I hit a point where I couldn’t keep going like that.

Unlocking my pleasure wasn’t accidental. It was a conscious, powerful decision to do things differently. I chose to lead myself first.

These 5 steps changed everything:

1. I took radical responsibility for my pleasure.

Were you ever taught, directly or indirectly, that your partner should complete you? That they should just know how to meet your needs without you ever having to say a word?

Yeah…me too.

At some point, I realized how unfair that expectation was- not just to others, but to myself. That realization became a turning point.

I stopped outsourcing my joy, my desire, and my emotional fulfillment. Taking full responsibility wasn’t always easy, but it gave me my power back. I let go of the resentment that came from expecting others to meet needs I hadn’t even claimed for myself. I stopped waiting for someone else to figure it out and made it my mission to discover what truly lit me up.

2. I slowed WAY down.

I know how to get things done. I know how to be productive. But slowing down required a whole different kind of strength.

It felt unfamiliar and, honestly, a little rebellious.

But presence is where truth lives. And pleasure needs presence.

When I slowed down, I began to feel again. I started to hear what I actually wanted, instead of rushing right past it.

Presence now looks like many different things: guided meditations, quiet journaling, or simply paying attention to the moment I’m in. Over time, I began practicing presence even while doing: feeling the textures of laundry as I folded it, hearing the rush of water while washing dishes, noticing the fresh air on my skin during a walk. That kind of awareness brought pleasure into even the most ordinary moments.

3. I got intimate with silence.

Stillness can be uncomfortable...and also wildly clarifying.

In the quiet, I began to hear the wisdom of my body. The no’s I had been overriding. The yes’s I had been afraid to follow. Silence became the space where I reconnected with myself. And I won’t abandon that relationship again. (Spoiler alert: when you enter this space of clarity with yourself, it becomes that much easier to ask for what you want and need from others.)

At first, my body resisted. I would go into flight mode. I felt like I needed to be doing something. But over time, silence became a companion that gently takes my hand and guides me home.

4. I dismantled the old stories- every single day.

I made it a regular practice to clear out the mental and emotional clutter.

Stories like “I’m too much,” “I don’t deserve this,” or “Pleasure is selfish.” I journaled through the shame, the grief, and the inherited beliefs I had been carrying. In the clearing, I created space for something sacred and fully my own.

5. I took the Erotic Blueprint™ Quiz, and it gave me a map.

This quiz was eye-opening. It helped me understand the specific ways I experience and express pleasure, rather than relying on one-size-fits-all advice or outdated narratives.

I saw myself clearly. From there, I began to shape a life that honored those truths.

I also chose to work with a coach as I moved through the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ course. It gave me language, tools, and personalized support to integrate all of this new awareness into my life.

If you’re ready to unlock your own pleasure in a way that actually fits who you are, I highly recommend starting with the Erotic Blueprint™ Quiz. It’s not just insightful. It’s a tool of reclamation.

And when you’re ready to go deeper, I invite you to book a Joyful Possibilities call with me. We’ll walk through your quiz results together and explore simple ways you can start experiencing more pleasure in your life now. We’ll also see if I’m the right guide to walk with you through the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough journey.

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You don’t need more rules. You need your own rhythm.

And if something here stirred something in you, that might be your signal. It could be time to lead yourself back to your body, your truth, and your pleasure.