I remember the day my dad put Melody Beattie’s book 𝘊𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘕𝘰 𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦: 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘖𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 in my hands.
I was 21 and had just come to live with him.
I had a chance to start over and create a brand new life.
But I wasn’t exactly ready to focus solely on my healing, and ended up creating a really full schedule for myself that enabled my avoidance.
I 𝘥𝘪𝘥, however, read this book.
Most of it went over my head because by my perception, I wasn’t trying to control anyone.
I believed I was the one others were trying to control.
And I was letting them.
I was unwilling to look at the ways in which my people pleasing behavior was an unconscious attempt at manipulating others.
To earn and buy their love.
I’ve prided myself on being the people pleaser and the martyr, bending over backwards for every teacher, boss, and anyone I perceived as a “better” person than I am.
I even actually believed that I liked it!
Ouch.
I’m focused on my healing first and foremost now.
It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done for myself.
And it has been making all the difference in my life.
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